We are inundated with stories of kids going off to college and leaving the church for good. It’s the stuff nightmares are made of—especially for those of us in ministry. On the flip side, as you read this, chances are your prayer for your kids is that they would love Jesus and His church for a lifetime.
So how do we help our kids love the church when they experience the good, the bad, and the ugly of ministry?
First things first: we are not experts. Our kids are still living at home as we write this. What we hope to share is how we have wrestled with this fear and the practices we pray will help our boys when they eventually move away. Our prayer is that this article helps you feel normal in your own wrestling—and in the sense of inadequacy we all feel at times. We’re still learning and often feel the weight of getting it wrong, but these are a few intentional practices that have helped us keep going and keep pointing our kids back to Jesus.
Parent Relationship
We cannot emphasize this enough: your relationship with your spouse is probably more important than anything else you do when it comes to raising ministry kids.
We have fought tooth and nail to prioritize date nights and protect our relationship. Ironically, this is also one of the first things to break down during seasons of chaos—sports, funerals, school events, weddings, Sundays, meals, homework, teenage drama. You don’t need convincing about how busy life can be.
What we’re saying is simple: fight for your marriage. We schedule time together so we don’t miss each other. We are convinced our marriage plays a critical role in the spiritual health of our boys. I had great parents growing up, and I believe their example shaped my love for the church in profound ways.
Following Christ
Just as our relationship as husband and wife is vital, our personal relationship with Jesus is even more so.
Like you, we’ve experienced seasons when ministry and life crowded out our personal walk with God. We became so involved in responsibilities and activities that our love for our Savior took a back seat.
God has a way of reminding us that He—not our work for Him—must remain the centerpiece of our lives. When activity for God overtakes a relationship with Him, we send our kids the wrong message.
We try to regularly gauge our intimacy with God because our boys take their cues from us. When our kids seem spiritually off, we first look in the mirror and return to Jesus ourselves.
Relationship With Your Kids
One of the biggest factors in helping our kids love the church is our relationship with them. This has been challenging, as it feels like a constantly moving target as they grow.
If their indecisive, hormone-influenced season has taught us anything, it’s that kids need help processing what they see and experience in healthy ways. That means pushing past vague answers and inviting honest opinions. (Don’t tell my kids, but I’ve even borrowed a few “coaching” tactics during the “meh” years.)
The goal is simple: care deeply about the small stuff so that when the serious conversations come, they know you will listen, understand, and respond with love.
Culture and Social Media
We make an intentional effort to process culture with our kids daily.
The volume of messages and ideas they encounter far exceeds what we experienced growing up. Talking through these influences helps us stay connected to their world and gives us opportunities to gently shape thoughts that may have been influenced elsewhere.
More importantly, it communicates that we want to understand their experiences. These conversations allow us to point them back to God and Scripture in ways that feel relevant to everyday life.
Space to Ask and Wrestle — The “Why,” Not Just the “What”
Just as we process culture, we also help our kids process what they hear in Christian settings—Sunday sermons, youth group, and beyond.
Kids have questions. They need space to wrestle, even with good teaching, in a safe environment. Sometimes it’s messy at first, but over time they learn to shape beliefs they truly own.
We try to answer the “why” questions, even when they’re difficult. Our kids need faith that becomes theirs—not just “Mom and Dad’s.”
Encouraging Bible Reading (and Helping Them Engage)
Think creatively about helping your kids engage with Scripture.
We stumbled into a rhythm that worked when our 12-year-old suggested something he called “Big Breakfast”—a weekly breakfast we cook together that includes Bible time. Because the idea came from them, they’re invested, excited, and quick to remind us when it’s time.
We’ve watched videos, explored resources like Expedition Bible, read Scripture together, learned how to navigate the Bible, researched questions, and prayed for others. While we still encourage personal Bible reading, Big Breakfast has become a meaningful and joyful shared practice.
Healthy Role Models
One of the most encouraging influences in our kids’ spiritual lives has been the church itself.
We’ve intentionally invited Christlike young men to invest in our boys. Allowing others to influence your children can feel intimidating in ministry, but the alternative is leaving that influence to chance.
We’ve been deeply grateful for a young leader in our church who has discipled our oldest son, helping him process both faith and church life in healthy ways. It really does take a village—we’ve just tried to choose ours wisely.
As we talk with other parents, one truth becomes clear: raising kids is hard. You may never feel like you’re doing it right—and that’s normal. This is your first time parenting this child, at this stage. Give yourself grace.
When you’re trying to get them off the couch, off their phone, to do their work, brush their teeth, when they tell you about a test the morning of the test, or beg to watch just one more show—remember, every parent is walking through the same thing.
Stay intentional. Don’t give up. Help them learn how to filter life through scripture. Keep pointing them back to Jesus through your relationships with one another, with the church, and with them. Trust God with the outcome—and keep going.
Nate and Erin Templin serve the churches of the Royal Gorge Baptist Association in Pueblo, CO.
