Recently I thumbed through some of my sermon note journals from the early 90s. As I flipped the pages I noticed a few things. First, my handwriting was much better in 1992 than it is in 2024 … my 1st grade teacher would have been proud! Another, more profound discovery, was that those 30 year old sermons still preach to me today. One particular message was on 1 Peter 22. My pastor gave a list of “10 Ways to Be a Servant.” Here were a few of his points. A servant is:
- Willing to be inconvenienced for the well-being of others
- Treating others with great respect and dignity
- Never promotes his own cause
- Encourager rather than a critic
- Willing to serve in menial task without public recognition
The preacher of this particular sermon, and many others in my notebook, was my pastor at the time: Dr. Rick Ferguson, though I never called him Doctor, but I did call him friend. In hindsight, that list from all those years ago was about relationships. Pastor Rick compelled us to relationship because he modeled relationships. Those bullet list items from my notes? In my evaluation they all result from, and contribute to relationships. Most prominently, relationship with our beloved Redeemer (vertical), and secondly, deep and selfless relationships with others (horizontal).
There are many important qualities of a pastor, and I am profoundly blessed to have pastors in my life who have embodied them all. But, to me, relationship investing is near the top. We’ve all seen the bumper sticker, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” It’s become somewhat simplistic and trite, but it’s true, very true. Of the many life-changing qualities I learned from Pastor Rick, investing in relationships through acts of humble service was paramount. It really is that simple, and it really is that difficult. Pastors who invest in building relationships are risking heartbreak of their own.
Eventually, someone you love and have invested in is going to betray you, and possibly betray God. Some of the Agapeo efforts you pour into the lives of others are going to cost you. Pastors do cry, pastors do hurt, and pastors do suffer greatly on the other side of relationships that did not turn out as they had prayerfully planned. Pastor Rick risked such heartbreak with my husband and me. You see, God used Rick and Kathy Ferguson to lead my husband to salvation, and save my marriage. Though Rick had quickly become a prominent leader in our church, state and national convention, he was never too busy to be inconvenienced for the well-being of others. This included taking the Saturday afternoon call of tearful desperation from a young wife who was about to lose her marriage. By Monday of that week, that young woman was in Rick’s office being prayed for, counseled and guided, and three days later that young husband was in the same office.
Rick’s counsel and prayer had meaning to us because he had invested in a relationship with us. Truthfully, it wasn’t so hard for me to follow my pastor; I was on the cradle roll of a First Baptist Church. My husband, however, was a different story…he was still a professing Catholic who had great disdain for anyone with the words “Southern Baptist preacher” connected to their name. Rick ascended such stereotypes as there was no doubt how much he truly cared; he treated every individual with respect and dignity…even vehement objectors such as my dear husband.
A couple of years later found my husband saved (baptized by Rick), teaching a 6th grade Sunday School, and being discipled by Rick in order to be ordained as a deacon. That’s the miraculous work of our LORD Jesus, but it was achieved in no small part through the determined relationship building of a faithful pastor. A pastor who saw Kingdom potential in a young man, a young couple, who few others would have taken a chance on. The legacy of my family: a saved husband, three saved adult children with saved spouses, they all point to intentional relationships, built through Jesus with the hands and feet of a dear pastor and his wife.
If Rick were here he would take no credit, instead he would point to our Lord and His Living Word. In response, I think Rick might take us to the gospels and show us that our Lord is a relationship-building God. Those twelve men He called? They were not what society would have labeled the best and brightest; there might have been other names that would have been chosen in that day. Nevertheless, Jesus gave three full years to connection, care, patience, feet-washing and relentless relationship-building. I am not certain I would have had such patience with Peter, or the Sons of Thunder. Christ’s uncompromising pursuit of kinship with those men still benefits us today every time we read the New- Testament. One of my favorite Old Testament scriptures is King David’s prayer of 2 Samuel 7:18-29. As David pours out gratitude to his God, the One True God, he gives testimony to the relationship he has with Yahweh. It’s funny how God’s relationship with us so often leads us to praise, and humble adoration of God. I, like David, have found the same to be true. Those pastors in my life who have built true relationships with me lead me to praise the God of the universe for such tender mercies.
If we are talking about Biblical pastoral relationships we have to mention Paul. I am certain his sermons were always riveting, unless of course you were Eutychus (Acts 20:9). Paul’s gift of wisdom, brilliance, knowledge and communication are unsurpassed in the canon of scripture. Still, the footprints of his relationship-building work are all over the New Testament. The Acts 20 account of his farewell to the Ephesian elders is one of the most compelling sections of scripture. Those saints were distraught, and so was he. While I am sure they were going to miss his preaching and his leadership, above all they were going to miss HIM! The bond of Christian relationship, brotherhood, was going to be irreplaceable in their earthly lives, and they knew it well. Paul knew it too. He suffered beatings, shipwrecks and imprisonment, but it was the weight of the churches that pressed most heavily on him. I don’t need to tell you why. You are a pastor, and you know the connection to your flock is the most weighty part of pastoral ministry. Paul loved those people, and they loved him. Pastor, you love those people…and YES, they do love you.
Neither my husband nor I are on church staff. We have never received a paycheck from a church, though we have given many hours of service to our Lord through His church. I have a unique position of sitting closely with many pastors (and their wives) and watching the toll it takes to be relentless about building connections and showing care. Those of us in the pews don’t say it often enough. You, Pastor, are critical to our lives and our spiritual pursuit. We don’t want to sit in a church week after week if we feel the man behind the pulpit doesn’t know us or care about us. Jesus cares, Jesus loves, Jesus relates, and Pastor you care, you love, you relate often to the point of exhaustion. I am sorry that often we neglect to tell you how much that means to us; often we assume you know. I assumed Pastor Rick knew, and I didn’t tell him enough how much the friendship, the relationship meant to me. I am sorry for that. God took Rick home on July 25, 2002 in a car accident. It was one of the single most devastating moments of my entire life….because of how we cared for each other, because Rick and Kathy worked to build a relationship with a crazy, troubled young couple who needed more Jesus…and Rick was Jesus to us.
So Pastor, let me say out loud what your congregants think you know. They love you because you love them so profoundly. They respect and admire your ability to selflessly pour into so many people and be on call night and day. Your relationship with them has:
- Saved their marriage
- Saved their children
- Comforted them in grief
- Sweetened their joys and celebrations
- Guided them to Jesus and a love for Him
- Held them accountable in obedience to God
- Compelled them to risk loving others in the same way
- Inspired them to tell others about Jesus
- Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera
Dear Pastor, be ye not weary in the well-doing of relationship building. Oh, and Rick—I get it now friend—time spent building relationships is never time lost.
Michelle Nigro is a member of Fourway Baptist Church and is an Executive Board Member of Colorado Baptist General Convention.
