When you think of the word “coach” what comes to mind? I think of a football coach in High School who would grab the face mask of my helmet, twist my head side to side, and yell at me while he foamed at the mouth. Frightening! The memories from our experiences with a coach, tend to define for us how a coach acts or functions.
However, the word “coach” originated with a horse drawn cart used to transport persons of significance from where they are to where they need/desire to be. Are you ready and willing to be a horse drawn cart? As the western United States was being settled the “Stagecoach” became a primary tool to help transport people from where they were to where they wanted to be. That is what a “Coach” does.
“Great coaches come alongside leaders, so leaders can be transformed into the image of Christ and join Him on His redemptive mission” Steve Ogne and Tim Roehl, Transformational Coaching. According to this statement there are two targets for coaching: Spiritual Formation (be) or who you are and Personal Mission (do) or what you do. Great coaching supports both.
Coaching is another tool in your leadership development and discipleship toolbox. Coaching is different from counseling. A counselor focuses on helping someone solve a personal crisis, very much like an emergency room doctor. Coaching is different from an advisor. An advisor draws from knowledge, skill and personal experience to present a new or better path, kind of like an auto mechanic who focuses on what is broken or needs to be maintained. Coaching is different from teaching. A teacher explains helpful and sometimes life-changing information. Coaching is different from mentoring. A mentor imparts wisdom from his or her reservoir of personal experiences, successes, and failures. A mentor is like a personal trainer who helps you become what he or she has become. We need all these types of people in our lives that wear a variety of “hats”.
What is the biggest difference between coaching and these other significant and essential ministry tools? The key is “Who is talking?” The coach focuses on active intentional listening and asking powerful questions. The coach “draws out” of the person being coached, while other ministry tools tend to focus on “pouring in.”
“The counsel in a man’s heart is deep water; but a person of understanding draws it out.” —Prov. 20:5 (CSB)
Within all of us is a well of deep water. Hidden in this well are our flaws, fears and failures, so we naturally protect that space, which in turn creates a leadership lid on our spiritual growth.
The image of a well, into which one draws life giving water, requires extensive effort, planning, and insight to go down and get the water and carry it back to the surface where it can be utilized.
Active listening and asking powerful questions can release this living water. It never ceases to amaze me to see God work in a coaching relationship just as He works while I am preaching or witnessing. Often when a person is struggling as they explore options God shows up and they have an “Aha” moment.
Powerful questions provide the avenue for insights and discovery. Does a greeter on Sunday morning just stand at the door and say, “Good morning” and hand the person a bulletin? Think about the simple questions you would want a Greeter at your church to ask a new visitor.
- “Welcome, we are glad you are here. How can I help you this morning?”
- “Have you attended before?” “I would be happy to show you around.”
- “How did you hear about our church?”
- “What brings you to our city?”
- “To you, what is the most important thing about a church?”
And I could go on.
How about when you are having a spiritual conversation with an unchurched person? What should you ask? “Are you going to die and fry?” Probably not.
How about:
- “Share with me your story.”
- “Where are you on your journey toward God?”
- “What do you think about God and Jesus?”
- “What about your life is rewarding?”
- “Are you a good person? Based on what criteria?”
Effective Coaches use open-ended questions to encourage full participation, to spur innovation, build relationships, and empower others. Questions wake people up. They point to new ideas and perspectives. Powerful questions prompt out of the box thinking and new ideas.
Jim Collins in his book, Good to Great says no company can become great without the ability to confront the “brutal facts of reality.” The failure to ask questions, in other words, allows us to operate with a distorted sense of reality.
This is true in the church and us individually. If you research the explosion of the Challenger spacecraft, you would discover many had legitimate questions about the O-ring sealing component. On January 28, 1986, when the temperature at launch time was thirty-six degrees, many of the people around the table were afraid to express their doubts and even to ask questions.
Tony Stoltzfus says in What Makes a Coach, “Coaches choose to believe that people can be what the Bible says they can be.” Asking questions like:
What does God want? What is God saying? What is important? What is really happening? What is God working to change in you? Questions will unleash life giving insights.
Coaching involves intentional, one-on-one conversations that require patience, active listening and asking powerful questions. There are three key elements of an effective coach:
- Listen: Coaching is a conversation (James 1:19)
- Care: Coaching is a relationship (Mark 10:45)
- Encourage: Coaching is a celebration (I Thess. 3:6-8)
The following is a simple outline/process to organize your coaching conversations.
- Connect: “What is new?” or “What is on your mind?” Develop a relational connection.
- I always start with family questions. “How is your wife?” Challenges you are facing as a husband?” Dad?
- Celebrate: “What is working?” “What can we celebrate?” “Where do you see God working?”
- Explore: “What’s happening right now?” “What do you really want?”
- Capture: “What is most important right now?” “What do you need to focus on?”
- Act: “What is your next step?” Who? What? When? Where? How?
- Here are some other questions you can utilize:
- “What is your current reality?”
- “What is working?” What is not working?”
- “What are we missing or forgetting?”
- “Where should we be placing our best energy?”
- “What are a few options for growth?” Improvement?
Often the best questions come out of the person’s previous statement or answer. That is why active listening is a critical skill.
How do I know my coaching is working?
Ask the person you are coaching – and keep asking. “Is this helpful? How?”
Let me know how I can serve you and perhaps lead a one day coaching seminar for your team.
Bill Lighty – Regional Director for the Pikes Peak Baptist Association
