In Genesis 2 something interesting happens after God creates Adam. He looks at Adam, then the animals and makes this statement: “It is not good for man to be alone.” This specifically and contextually is about the male and female relationship, but there seems to be a pattern seen in other types of relationships throughout scripture too. That pattern appears to be the fact that it is not good for us to be alone period. Jesus sent out the disciples 2×2, Moses had Aaron, David had Jonathan, Paul had Barnabas and on and on. As humanity we have a great ability to get in trouble, it just seems to happen more often the less we prioritize certain relationships.
As humanity we have a great ability to get in trouble, it just seems to happen more often the less we prioritize certain relationships.
The truth is you and I are never alone. You may be physically alone, but all followers of Christ have received the Holy Spirit. This relationship is the most important of all our relationships. It’s not news to you I’m sure, but a healthy daily walk with God is the lifeblood of every believer. Unfortunately, in ministry sometimes this is the first relationship to be neglected. We become so involved in good ministry activities that we forget to have personal relational conversations and times of listening to the one who knows us best. We cannot survive without this relationship. When I am struggling the most, it is because I have not prioritized my time with God. We must make sure we schedule and follow through with time to listen, speak and read that are not just for the next event we are leading.
The second relationship in priority, if you are married, is the deepest one you can have within humanity. Biblically we become one with our spouse. Sometimes though, we neglect this relationship for many reasons including busyness and even laziness. I have to admit sometimes I get so involved in helping others, I don’t prioritize the person I committed to “love and cherish, have and hold till death do us part.” I would guess in most ministry instances it is not nefarious reasons we neglect this relationship, but at the very least it is assuming wrongly that without scheduling time to nurture and work on it will be fine. Our spouse should be the one person we roll with no matter if we are homeless or Hollywood. Scheduling time to have fun and date your spouse goes a long way. Remember we were created to walk together, not just exist in the same space.
Scheduling time to have fun and date your spouse goes a long way. Remember we were created to walk together, not just exist in the same space.
The next three relationships are not specifically in any order of priority. I believe strongly that when each finds its way into our lives it brings a different aspect of spiritual vitality into our lives.
The first of the three is with those we find ourselves in the trenches with. These relationships are deep spiritually and are very mission-focused. These are the individuals you want to be in a foxhole with. They are those you do the best ministry with and you call with your crazy ideas and know they will try it with you. We have lots of people that we lead, but that is not what this relationship is. They may feel like they have to say yes. These co-ministers are the ones you sit in a room together and figure out how to take over the world. Jesus sent them out in 2s for a reason. So if you find yourself doing ministry alone, stop it!
The next relationship sometimes bleeds into ministry, but this one should be where you have a chance to relax and have fun. You guessed it, it’s friends. So honestly this is one of the harder ones for me. I am so driven toward “doing ministry,” that I neglect one of the greatest life-giving relationships God has given us. Friends are the people we just have fun with. As leaders almost any room we are in people look to us for leadership. Friends may look to you to lead, but it is because you are funny or energetic or just because you know how to hunt better than them. Please don’t neglect this as much as I do. Find those people who want to hang out with you because you enjoy the same things.
Find those people who want to hang out with you because you enjoy the same things.
The last relationship may be one of the most neglected with leaders. It is with a mentor-type person. You may say all you need is Jesus, but for everyone else it is healthy to have someone who speaks into their life and checks in on them, pours life and encourages them. These individuals can be a coach, mentor or maybe even counselor, but since we are not great at seeking help when we need it, they are important. Whether once a week, once a month or every so often, these individuals are deeply invested in seeing us not burn out or struggle. Find someone who asks you the hard questions, listens well and speaks life into your life.
My hope is that you don’t feel like these are just boxes to check, but become like air we breathe. My prayer is that each of you will have and be intentional with these life-giving relationships.
