There is a myth: “The Church has no conflict because we all love Jesus and love each other.” How soon did you find out that was not true? I would even suggest you cannot experience genuine love and Biblical Community without Conflict.
Thank God for men who have cared enough about me to have difficult conversations, risk conflict, and challenge me to grow. There were numerous times (and still are) when people would lovingly challenge some of my blind spots and help me sacrifice some of my sacred cows, in particular areas, of needed change and growth. Conflict is not all bad. I want to challenge all of us, including myself as a fellow struggler, to embrace conflict even when it hurts a little.
The result is experiencing Biblical Community…
Loving and Being Loved
Knowing and Being Known
Serving and Being Served
Celebrating and Being Celebrated
…we must journey through Conflict.
To thrive in ministry, we must develop tough skin while maintaining a soft heart.
No question Conflict is personal. When someone says it is not, they are not in touch with their heart. To thrive in ministry, we must develop tough skin while maintaining a soft heart.
Someone said, “People are not afraid of change but rather they are afraid of loss.”
Let me suggest that change is the basis of all conflict. Since change is inevitable, conflict is also inevitable. Any healthy church or family is going to have to figure out what to do with conflict. Conflict = Change.
I love history because we learn so much from other people’s experiences. However, if we do not learn from history, we are inclined to repeat the mistakes.
Meriwether Lewis and William Clark were commissioned to explore the newly acquired Louisiana Purchase and to discover and claim the Northwest Passage to the Pacific Ocean for the infant United States. As we investigate this adventure we can discern skills to embrace change.
Their expedition was built on completely false expectations. They believed, like everyone before them, that the unexplored west was exactly the same geography as the familiar east. Let’s explore what they did, when they discovered that they – and everyone else before them – had been wrong.
In the same way we face the unknown and a rough road ahead for the church in America following a pandemic, race relation issues, attacks from the secular left/media, Socialism, etc. How do we lead a congregation/organization to be faithful to the mission God has put before us when the world has changed so radically? What are the tools, the mental models, the wise actions, and competing challenges that require conflict navigation? How do we need to be transformed personally to lead our churches into the unknown, embracing conflict; going off the map per se?
navigating change in a healthy manner will enable us to embrace the conflict head on.
From Lewis and Clark, we learn that if we can adapt and engage the adventure, we can, not just survive, but thrive. That while leadership in uncharted territory requires both learning and loss, once we realize that the losses won’t kill us, they can teach us.
We can learn to thrive “Off the Map” in a rapidly changing world as we learn to let go and keep going no matter what conflicts we face. As mentioned above change is the leading contributor to conflict. So, navigating change in a healthy manner will enable us to embrace the conflict head on.
In the book, The Lewis and Clark Companion: An Encyclopedic Guide to the Voyage of Discovery, Clay Jenkinson writes of Meriwether Lewis, “He dipped his hands into the icy water and took a long cool drink. Fifteen months of hard travel, a seemingly endless string of days of back-breaking upstream slogging had led to this moment. Meriwether Lewis recalled all that he had endured: Nervous nights in a strange land. Mosquitoes galore. A dark, cold winter. Grizzly bears. A month-long portage around an immense waterfall. The death of a companion. But he was here. Lewis and a small scouting party had gone ahead of the rest of the Corps of Discovery to try to make contact with the Shoshone tribe. They had followed the source of the mighty Missouri River. This water would flow all the way to the Gulf of Mexico. They had found what no person of European descent had before them. And the most challenging obstacle on their journey from what was then the Unites States to the Pacific Ocean was now behind them. Or so they thought.”
After 15 months of going upstream they looked forward to letting the water current swiftly move them to the Pacific Ocean. They would crest the hill, find the stream and coast to the finish line.
They could not have been more disappointed. What Lewis actually discovered was that three hundred years of experts had all been completely and utterly wrong.
We too can feel disappointed when we are faced with disillusionment and unexpected change, where conflict can flourish. (Taken from Canoeing the Mountains, by Todd Bolsinger)
In front of him was not a gently slope down to a navigable river running to the Pacific Ocean but the Rocky Mountains. Stretching out for miles and miles as far as the eye could see and beyond was one set of mountain peaks after another. (At this point they were in central Montana, with the rest of Montana, and the states of Idaho and Washington to go)
One of the members of the expedition wrote in his journal “The most terrible mountains I ever beheld.” (Taken from Undaunted Courage, by Stephen Ambrose). Conflict was in every step. Imagine having to keep this group of 45 men focused on the goal and not get distracted by the obstacles. Welcome to conflict on steroids.
It was at that moment everything that Meriwether Lewis assumed about his journey changed. He was planning on exploring the new world by boat. He was a river explorer, not equipped to go overland.
Isn’t it intriguing that Lewis and Clark did not quit. They embraced the challenges and conflict and in turn became more resilient as they persevered.
They planned on “rowing,” and they thought the hardest part was behind them. But in truth everything they had accomplished was only a prelude to what was in front of them. Lewis and Clark and the Corps of Discovery were about to go off the map and into uncharted territory. (Taken from Undaunted Courage, by Stephen Ambrose)
They would have to change plans, give up expectations, even reframe their entire mission. They had to change their score card. There were no experts, no maps, no “Best practices” and no sure guides who could lead them safely and successfully. In the same way, all that we have assumed about leading churches, all that we have been trained for, has become uncharted territory. We have left the map and we are in an explored region and it is very different than we expected and certainly were not trained for this.
While we may be experienced “River Rafters,” like Lewis and Clark, we now must learn to be “Mountaineers.”
Isn’t it intriguing that Lewis and Clark did not quit. They embraced the challenges and conflict and in turn became more resilient as they persevered. They completed their task, traversed the rugged Rockies and made it to the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately, they did not find the coveted water route all had expected. But they did fulfill their mission.
Do not avoid conflict or sweep it under the rug. Embrace it and navigate the problems, challenges, and barriers and be sure to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and the mission/goals.
In spite of the conflict, unexpected barriers, the unknown, and change we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.
Lewis and Clark asked the right questions which may assist us in dealing with conflict.
- What are we doing?
- How are we going to do it?
- Why are we doing it?
- Who decides what we are doing?
- How can we resolve the conflict with a “win-win”?
Here are some strategies:
- Developing an early detection strategy is vital.
- Learn to recognize and address conflict in the earliest stages.
- When you see sides getting chosen step in. Press in.
- Have a tension-handling process in place before it is needed.
- Practice active listening skills.
Do not avoid conflict or sweep it under the rug. Embrace it and navigate the problems, challenges, and barriers and be sure to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and the mission/goals.
Bill Lighty is the Regional Director for the Pikes Peak Baptist Association in Colorado Springs, CO.
